Confrontation on Accepting Love

Been reflecting these past two days, on one thing: lost and gain.
(Still have yet to have the time to mental dump my reflections on retreat, please bare with me :P)

At times when I least expect, God confronts me with things that I don't want to face. As a person who often avoid problems, I choose be actively ignorant of things.

Well oh well...a few days ago, I was just faced with this humongous confrontation from God. The thoughts going through my mind completely threw me into the thorns, I felt like every piece of me was being ripped apart. Not for worse, but for good.

I don't know if I've shared about this before: it's very hard for me to accept love. As a person, I don't mind giving love, I don't mind caring for people or just to be kind. However, it's always a challenge for people to care for me, I rarely let anyone do so. When I'm in pain or struggling, I rarely let people know about it, especially the ones that care and worry for me.

Thank you AF. Really, your stubbornness was God's confrontation to me. I've never felt so compelled to throw someone out of my room because I just wanted to be left alone. Sadly enough, like what Soul Cravings talked about in one of the entries - sometimes the thing we want the most, we fear the most. I'm fearful of being love by people around me, I'm fearful of being loved by God.

Once again, it was that moment that God spoke to me, telling me that "it's okay." Still learning...but yes, this is one thing that I struggle with a lot. That's why you see me pushing people away when they want to care, I simply just push them away.

[The past haunts you, and maybe it's really time to let go and embrace it]