Your Grace

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Many times I have given my friends this verse as an encouragement when they seem to be in a difficult situation. And today while I was praying, God put this in my heart. Speaking of reciting verses, I fail at it, but the few words "My grace is sufficient for you" was planted in my pea-brain.

Sitting in the library, trying to focus on the work that needs to be done before Wednesday, I'm so stressed out. Today during group meeting, I was assigned to do proofread and finalizing the cost schedule for our final group project (which I completely forgot it's existence...). So one more thing was added to my list and that means my week isn't ending until Saturday...but then...Saturday does not mean I have a rest day because I have to go uptown on Saturday night. I was so devastated, and all I could say to God in my prayers was that - please help me through this, I know it's a lot to ask from You God, but You know what's on my mind. There's just seemingly too much for me to handle.

Decided to spend some time simply resting in Him and listening to Him. Was scared to spend too much time...because I needed to compromise working time. So I went out for a mini photo shoot because I need to get familiar with the camera, but then it quickly ran out of batteries...while plugged in with my iPod...I was "hmmm...maybe I should then go back to work."

In a span of 2 hours, I typed 8 pages. I was astonished...by my productivity while being so distracted by many things. In the middle of it...I got phone calls, texts that I can't really ignore, but I pulled through most of my assignment until I can't finish without further instructions.

I've always felt that I was very distant from God these days, especially when I felt like nothing was going right - my way. Yet God showed me love. His love was so abundant. I cried at ISM meeting today during small group prayer because it was until then that I realized how faithful He is while I'm a complete wreck. Revisiting many things, I just can't be in awe of who He is...and as you see...I can't even put it into words. This feeling is not something that I can articulate.

Anyway, need to go back to work. And I'll leave this quote with you all...I read it in one of my devo subscriptions today.

Whether God gives us more than we imagined or far less than we desired, we can trust that His plans are much better than ours.

Rekindle the Spirit

Oddly enough, rekindle the spirit is Starbucks' slogan for the holiday season. But seriously, I'm not here to sell more Starbucks, cause I drink more than enough everyday myself that I think I'm getting quite sick of it.

Yesterday I woke up with a facebook message, and my eye's were glowing. A friend would loves snails, she wrote an essay on snails and slugs. All the way from Czech, she asked me out of everyone to proofread her essay for her. "hmmmm..." it was a short notice, and had to be done quickly before evening. Contemplating whether to do it or not (she gave me the option not to), I still did so.

Upon opening up the document, noticing that it was only slightly more than a page single spaced, I took my time to read it through. Philosophically as usual, she wrote about snails, slugs, and the huts they carry. The story reminded me of her journey of faith, even so mine. How am I once like the little snail that was willing to give up the hut, not care of how others see me, and become a free slug? Yet, old habits, insecurity, and fear had always again and again been my excuses to retrieve back to my little hut that's seemingly reflecting security, protection, and safety. Finding a hut is not hard. We always idolize things in our lives to trick ourselves that "this is enough and will satisfy me." However, just as C.S. Lewis puts it in Mere Christianity "Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world."

The words and the message in the essay was not directed to me, though I somehow "by coincidence" was able to read it. It was refreshing, and definitely rekindled something within me that have been dull and stagnant for a while. And for all this, even though seemingly small, I praise God for it!

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Have been focusing on praying, asking for courage and faith. To be honest, within my own life, I've been focusing on praying for the future. The coming year is going to be a test of faith, and I really am praying that through the opportunities that God has already given me, I'll be able to have the courage to step out and take a leap of faith. People ask me the question - where will you be if you take that? The answer is - I don't know. I truly will be sent to somewhere possibly new and unknown.

It's been hard going through prayers as there are many things to pray about these days. Other than praying for people regularly and this...other aspects of life have been put aside. Demanding enough, I really wish that I can make a decision after Urbana. Maybe God will speak through that opportunity He gave me at Urbana, not only to experiencing Him, but also another realm of things.