Before Urbana, I've always wonder what it means for God to be constantly pursuing us. I struggled with that the most. Not sure what it exactly mean...I always felt alone.
It seemed that God was far far away. He doesn't seem to be tangible.
This time at Urbana, I was able to really experience His love in a more than tangible way. Throughout my life, I've really never experienced the feeling of constantly being pursued. People give up on me, relationships fail, betrayals...etc. The idea that someone would pursue me is more than surreal of a concept. For me, accepting love from others, especially brothers and sisters, is maybe seemingly impossible of an idea. I love to push loved ones away, because in that case I know I'm sheltered from the possibility of hurt. Not to mention, I'd rather give than receive because humility is so much needed. Sinful as I know, I am always tempted to follow merit gospel - that I need to earn my salvation with work. It is always painful to go to the grace gospel, because I need to lay down my pride and accept that God is loving me willingly and mercifully without any conditions.
While at Urbana, I was so overwhelmed by His love. If I were to describe the experience, it's like bring covered by waves and waves of intimacy without having a moment to stick your head out of the water to breath. You only know that you're bathed in His embrace, His promises, His reassurances. It rocked me out of my boat (as much as it did for Simon :P)! The idea of water edge - boat / shallow waters - deep waters. The growth of intimacy. Bombarding!!! The invading of Him in my own life. Probing of opening up simply to Him alone. I was so surprised and in awe. Not only His love for me, but for the rest of the 16000 people there. If I can't even describe His love for me in quantity, I have no idea to imagine or picture His love for the world.
Anyhow...this is little sneak peek of one out of many of my reflections.
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