Misconception

Two retreats...and people tell me the same thing - you are knowledgeable.

"You are knowledgeable, so......"
"Your questions have helped me think..."
"You must have been holding back thoughts......"
"You have given so much insight to the passage during the manuscript studies......"
- The list goes on...

I think I need to clarify certain things - I am not knowledgeable.
Sadly to reveal, I didn't grow up in a Christian family. The Sunday school stories that most people know of, I don't know them. Or simply put, I only have a vague memories of them - I can give proof - we studied David and Goliath this past retreat, and I barely remembered the content from teaching it 2 summers ago in Sunday school.

Sometimes I wonder why am I even going into ministry work when I myself don't even hit the minimal of being knowledgeable. I hate to say, but I think people sometimes overestimate me, and it gives me tremendous pressure.

I love manuscript study because I love studying the word in it's rawest form, so that in a real manuscript study, everyone comes to the table with no knowledge (except the facilitator). The info that can be brought up from is from prior passages and that it in no way isolates people. I love it because non-Christians or people who don't know the Bible well can interact as much as a person who is an expert in the Word. I love the journey of discussion and discovery throughout and from the context of the passage. I ask questions that are fundamental, because I believe that there is no such questions as stupid questions in a manuscript study. Simply asking: What is sin? Is more than powerful and thought provoking than other "intellectual" questions. 

It may be true that doing Bible studies are God's gift to me, but isn't it just like any other gifts? If my gift is teaching, neither shall it be different from someone's gift as musical worship, nor should the person gifted in prayer feel different. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not good at anything or have nothing to offer when most of my close friends are so talented in music. I feel like I am of no use to the body of Christ. My self esteem just go straight down and I feel worthless because I'm just not musically trained or simply - I'm not talented. So may I just simply say something...to all those who care enough that will read this, please spare me of this misconception of me being knowledgeable. It all is merely His work in me - that's my form of offering in His family as a body of Christ. Help me not to be prideful but to simply be thankful for the gifts and blessings that He's given me.

If there are many of you that are musical worship people out there, during worship, God uses you to bring others in tune into worship. Likewise, as a servant, God is only utilizing me as a facilitator to bring others in to worship during Bible studies. Nothing big, nothing different, but all for His glory ;)