Your Faithfulness. Faithful One

Uncertainties.

That does not diminish the fact that You are faithful. For that God, Your steadfastness does not change in all circumstances.

Been revisiting these two songs lately. Not because I don't normally listen to them, but rather been looping them in excess :P

"I don't know what this day will bring
Will it be disappointing, filled with longed for things?
I don't know what tomorrow holds
Still I know I can trust Your faithfulness"

Likewise as other young adults, I make the same mistakes. Likewise as other young ladies, I get insecure. Likewise as other children of God, I need to come to God and repent daily (if not the moment I know that I've sinned).

It's really hard to write about our sinful natures, but I hope that this will be a testimony of some sort. A little snip bit of my life that I need to confess - yesterday I got so drunk, and it wasn't even funny at it's minimal. I set a really bad example for younger ones. I allowed myself to simply go wild, taking shots after shots which I'm not even used to. All I wanted was to seek liberation from something else, but not peace from God. I dragged my weary body to alcohol, and not God.

Today was a really hard day for me mentally and emotionally. While my body recovered the moment I woke up (...I'm surprised myself), my mind was not recovered. I felt that it was more damaged than it was before. I felt that I was mentally tired than even one drop of alcohol. Yet the Father was good, the moments I felt worthless and unworthy, He wrapped me in His arms. The moment where I fought against His embrace cause I felt again I have abused His grace, He reassured me with His love. As I'm typing this, I don't know what to feel, but all I know that tears are streaming down, because I know that being truthful with Him with all my burdens, HE HEALS!

Again and again, and once again I sought love from other things. However, the Lord draws me closer every time I fall. He takes me like a child, tell me and teaches me that what I did was wrong, but also promises me that He'll help me change as long as I allow Him to transform me.

Faithful one, so unchanging
Ageless one, you?re my rock of peace
Lord of all I depend on you
I call out to you, again and again
I call out to you, again and again

You are my rock in times of trouble
you lift me up when I fall down
All through the storm
Your love is, the anchor
My hope is in You alone 

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I contemplated whether to post this for a while or not. But obviously I ended up posting it...because you're reading it. I hope this helps others to go back to God and find rest, instead of having the focus on me. I hope it encourages you in different ways, and assures that God is there with you - because He is despite of my brokenness (which will be left unshared here, but in private).

I worry that people will see me different, because I lost the act of composing myself as "goodie two shoes." It's okay - I tell myself, because this is who I am - I'm not perfect. For that, I find my worth in Him.