Lack of Faith

I confess that I've been lacking in faith, in every area in my life. School, future, mission trip, relationships...

So I've dug out my old journal and started reading from the back. First page I flipped to, it was ranting because I was so miserable this past summer. Flip...flip...flip. Something caught my eye, this is what I wrote down:

Naturally, anxiety is the result when I focus on things other than God and His will for my life. (June 3rd, 2011)

Part of the journal entry next to this was:

Joy is not the result of outward circumstances. Joy is an inside job, a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control. Every trial or loss, every defeated or victory measured against this confidences can be counted as joy. (May 28th, 2011).

Flip...flip...flip...Another one:

When the waves of trials hit our heart and home, the spiritual discipline of trusting God helps us to breath through the squeeze of each pressure. (May 8th, 2011).

It's interesting to see the things I've written down last summer when I was so frustrated with myself and with God. I have to say, I haven't been journalling in this way for the past few weeks. Every journal entry may be praising God for His blessings, yet I haven't been writing down my struggles at all. My lacking in faith was not because I simply don't trust in God, but my lacking in faith is because I don't trust that God will bring me through this.

Prayer, prayers, and more prayers. Need to go back to God and retreat in Him.

Another thing that appeared in my journal, and may this be my prayer :)

You promised that if we know You, we will know true joy. Joy is not merely happiness but rather an unshakable confidence that You are in control. Lord I pray that I'll be able to find joy in you. For the friends who are also lacking in faith, may we find that confidence in You and in You alone. Amen.