Moving On

Today was the last CCF...bittersweet.

I always describe my experience in CCF as a love-hate relationship. Throughout my 4 years in CCF, there were moments that I really wanted to leave. To seek out a fellowship that I fit better in (and yes...even after being on committee, I still say so). To leave is not because I don't like CCF, nor that do I not care about the growth of the fellowship. It was more because I cared, I didn't want the experience of staying make me eventually dislike the structural. Yet at the same time, a lot of people who knows me well encouraged me to stay, not to wait for changes, but to be the change. After this year, I still don't know if I have allowed God to do work through me, or to be a tool that God can use to inspire people. Maybe yes? Maybe no? I don't know...

It didn't quite hit me that I'm supposed to move on, and I think it's going to take me another while to get used to the fact that I'm going to be graduating and leaving soon. I'm terrified inside. Truly am I have to say. This transition state is the hardest. I grew as a Christian in TCBC and in CCF. I can't concretely tell you what I have learned these past few years, the only thing I know is that people who know me keep on telling me that I've changed a lot as a person. I don't really know if it's true, maybe? 

Something really hit me during musical worship, don't think people would realize in any way, but I was tearing up in the back, because the affirmation that God will be with me struck me. 

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that calls the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

I will live to love You, I will live to bring You praise, I will live a child in awe of You. Once again, I was drawn back to where I needed to be. It doesn't quite matter where I'll be next year (though it does matter in reality :P), but that no matter where I'll be, I should glorify you. 

It's time to move on, time to find a Church or to stay, but definitely time to find a new community. My steps are shaking, but I'll trust in You!